Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Stop the Abuse-Remembering Amanda Savell

I posted this on Siouxcountry, and now I'm posting it here on FitGems.
For those that don't know, today is Amanda Savell's birthday. We all know the story of how she lost her life. For those that want to read my tribute to her, click here to read.

Bodysport's Ana Tigre wrote this deep yet truthful piece on Bodysport:

While some may be surprised, many will not be to learn that incidence of abusive relationships among women involved in the fitness industry and fit and attractive women is alarmingly higher than the national average. Women in our industry are being abused at a very high rate by spouses, boyfriends, trainers, and family members at an alarming rate.

Today is IFBB Figure Pro Amanda Savel's birthday and she should be able to celebrate it with her family and friends. Tragically she is no longer with us to celebrate because she was brutally murdered by her controlling and abusive boyfriend David Jacobs. A guy she obviously never thought would take her life and a guy she clearly didn’t see that she needed to protect herself from.

Many times we don’t even realize, or want to admit to ourselves or anyone else that we are in an abusive relationship. Abusive relationships don't only strip away your self-esteem, your dignity and your confidence, in many cases it will take away your life. Today we remember and miss a great athlete and champion. A beautiful and kind woman, daughter and friend, simply because she was not able to get herself out of a bad situation.
If you find yourself in an abusive relationship please understand it doesn’t have to be that way. Women escape to a safer and better life every day and there are armies of people out there that deal with it professionally every day and are there to help you. If you know deep inside you need that help then take it and get out before it is too late.

You may be in an abusive relationship if he or she:

* Is jealous or possessive toward you.
* (Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of Sexual Addictions and Love Addiction.)
* Tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding.
* Tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships.
* Is violent and / or loses his or her temper quickly.
* Pressures you sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with.
* Abuses drugs or alcohol.
* Claims you are responsible for his or her emotional state. (This is a core diagnostic criteria for Codependency.)
* Blames you when he or she mistreats you.
* Has a history of bad relationships.
* Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being.
* You frequently worry about how he or she will react to things you say or do.
* Makes "jokes" that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, weather privately or around family and friends.
* Your partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship, and/or was abused as a child.
* Your partner "rages" when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control.
* Both parties in abusive relationships may develop or progress in drug or alcohol dependence in a (dysfunctional) attempt to cope with the pain.
* You leave and then return to your partner repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones.
* You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it's the right thing to do.

Does the person you are with...

* Constantly keep track of your time?
* Act jealous and possessive?
* Accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?
* Discourage your relationships with friends and family?
* Prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?
* Constantly criticize or belittle you?
* Control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? (Reasonable cooperative budgeting excepted.)
* Humiliate you in front of others? (Including "jokes" at your expense.)
* Destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?
* Have affairs?
* Threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Threaten to use a weapon?
* Push, hit, slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children?
* Force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?

If these questions have caused some concern in your mind or upset you in any way you may want to talk to someone. Don’t wait. Abuse follows an escalating cycle, but it never gets better and not matter what you may feel at times, it’s not your fault. No one no matter who you are or what you think you have done has the right to abuse you.


By Ana Tigre
Fashion Designer
Professional Stylist

Source: http://www.bodysport.com/joomla/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=256:stop-the-abuse-remembering-amanda-savell&catid=85:features

To all the ladies reading this, if there's only one thing you pay attend to from me, let it be this: don't let ANY man abuse you. It's not worth it. If you're in one of those relationships, get out. Get help. Go to friends. You're athletes, tough as nails, no doubt about it, but you're women also. No, I'm NOT saying you're weaker than men...absoultely not. By saying you're women, I mean that you should be respected and treated like a woman is supposed to be treated. Believe it or not, there are real men out there. Should you find a real man, make sure he treats you right.

To the men, don't mistreat a woman. Just don't! Women were not made to be put on this earth to be sex toys or abuse and made slaves out of. If a woman pisses you off for something, just walk away. Don't retaliate, don't get even. Just let it go. It's not worth it at the end.

Being in a relationship can do wonders...just remember, you have one "you". Don't let abuse ways of the opposite sex take that away from you.

1 comment:

Becca said...

This was a great post...(in a way). Thanks for the list from Anne and helping others to help themselves if they find they are a situation like this.