Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Is it worth it?


Today I was planning on having this FitChat dedicated to the Olympia. I had the format down, and sent word about it to several people over the last few days, as early as last week to be honest with you. Apparently, this turned into that, and well..due to multiple circumstances, The Olympia FitChat was stopped and will not be rescheduled. But I'm not writing this blog piece mainly because of the failure of the FitChat (I can live with that), but more on the lines of something I've realize lately.

I'm beginning to think I'm not well-liked, even hated...and I don't understand why.

I've done what I can with the limited resouces I have to help make this sport better. I've been a fan ever since middle school (I'm a college graduate student now, so do the math). I've seen the sport evolve so much since then. Yet it seems like, I feel as of lately, there's a circle, and I'm not part of the loop. I try to get involved however I can, whether it's giving out money that I needed (not wanted) for myself to help with a sponsorship (I've done it twice), give money to a mother who's providing an example for not only her fellow competitors but all mothers out there (done that this year, will do it again next year), give those that ask me advice for bettering themselves or a fellow competitor (recently done that)... Okay, I think you get the point.

I'm hoping I'm not coming across as a baby, but I'm...I'm just really confused as to what I'm doing wrong that I feel like I'm a hated individual. Is it because I'm black? No, doubt it, as I know of several supporters who are my color and they are respected individuals. Is it because I don't look like a bodybuilder. No, doubt it's that either, as there are those that are no where NEAR the bodybuilder-type look and they are respected individuals. It is my age? Well...I DO think my age is a part of why people might not like me. See, being a 22-year-old competitor is different from being a 22 year-old fan/supporter. The competitor is viewed as the future of the sport, with limitless potential, while the fan/supporter is more likely viewed as a creep. Young boys/men have that stereotype on them, like all black people listen and like rap. Trust me, not all of them don't. Some like a good country song. :)

All I'm saying to all of you is if I'm doing something wrong, if I'm coming across as something uncomfortable, let me know. I know this may sound crazy, but I'm not an awful human being. I care for and respect the sport of female muscle and want to see if flourish. I want to one day be a voice that leads the next generation of message board leaders, contest promoters, website designers, fans/supporters, etc.

So yes, I do feel like I have a hate target on me by a few, I feel at times that all my work means nothing. So seriously...it it worth it?

You bet it does...


Edward said...

Hi, C-Ray. I just read your blog and I admit I'm not entirely sure what you're saying, so I will respond to what I think you're saying, and if I'm wrong, please correct me.

Obviously, you're unhappy about the FitGems Chat not going well. In fairness, it was scheduled at a time when poeple are at work or school-as I am-and therefore don't have time to participate in a chat.

As far as not being in the loop, I really can't comment on that, as I don't know the details. I do want to let you know that I do appreciate the work you do, as you provide a great service to the industry. I honestly think you should consider applying for a position with one of the major magazines/websites because of your knowledge and love for the sport. I can completely understand being frustrated about the lack of interaction that sometimes occurs here, but again in fairness, everyone has a life and people use websites when they are online for different things. I use this site for information as well as to learn about some of my favourite competitors in the bikini/figure/fitness world-I'm not much of a bodybuilding fan.

Bottom line, I completely understand if you want to pull the plug on FitGems Nation entirely. I hope you won't, however.

C-Ray said...

This goes WAAAYYY deeper than the FitChat, Edward. I can live with the chat failing. That's not the main reason I wrote this blog piece. I wrote it due to a combination of things over the last several months. It's way too much to get into right now.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE what I'm doing, and I hope there are those that see what I'm trying to do. Bottom line, the only way FitGems Nation is going to die is if I let it die, and I'll be damn if I let it go down without a fight. I need to fall to get back up. I need to fail in order to succeed. I need to "die" (not literally, or course) to live.

I thank you for your comment, Edward, more than you could possibly imagine. People like you make me want to be a better supporter for the ladies in this industry and a better person in general.

Becca said...

Hey C-Ray,

Just wanted to let you know that I feel ya. Sometimes becuse I compete in the NPC's new bikini division I honestly feel like I'm not taken seriously on some of the boards, or that bikini is the dirty stepchild to the NPC.

I've only been around for a few years, just recently competing, but I will say that the industry seems to be pretty dog-eat-dog at times, as are many other industries out there.

I know as a competitor, I appreciate what you're doing and things you do to help the sport. Just keep it up, and you will get noticed. One day you're going to be the person that has been around for a long time, with the knowledge that can only come with time and getting your name out there.

I have never heard an ill word spoken about you and doubt it's any hatred toward you. I think people are just so wrapped up in their own things that they often time don't make time for others, whether they notice/mean to or not.